Christian businesses

Click for picture  Muffler Man - Christian Tech wanted

I had a brief brush with Fundamentalist Christianity.  There were problems at work and one co-workers solution was to take me outside, preach and pray over me and have me repeat some sort of prayer and a pledge to embrace something-or-other.  I soon discovered the insular nature of what I was getting into and realized that the only way it was going to work was to constantly immerse myself in it, subscribing to "Christian" radio stations (which weren't yet available my area) and only allowing myself to be around people of the same mindset - an echo chamber.  It didn't last long.

I seem to remember the whole concept of "Christian businesses" starting about 10 years ago.  Every year somebody would stuff a "Christian Yellow Pages" in my mailbox.  When dealing with Fundamentalist Christians, they would often ask, when referred someplace, if it was a "Christian business".  They want someplace where they are guaranteed that nobody will burst the bubble they live inside.  I sat outside one of these businesses one night at closing time and was interested to watch them doing a prayer circle.

So, would I be a customer of a "Christian business"?

I'm a systems analyst.  That means I'm trained to look at a business, its operation, its data flows, its business processes and rules, the various entities and how it all works together.  Out of this analysis comes an overall goal of what the business does for a living, sometimes encapsulated in a "mission statement" and specific recommendations for how things can improved, usually by eliminating dead wood and duplication of effort.

Many Christian business's mission statement have first and foremost Fundy-babble.  Something like "Our mission is to Glorify God and ...(the rest of stuff normally in a mission statement like customer service)".  When I walk in the door, I don't want my time invested in this business spent on anything other than the core business activity - in this case fixing my muffler.

The other thing is the actual competence of the work.  A full understanding of metalurgy requires believing in things that contradict Fundamentalist Christian thought.  Certainly wouldn't take biology from a teacher who doesn't believe in evolution.  I certain wouldn't trust a muffler repair guy who doesn't believe in particle decay because it would disprove a young universe.

I'm taking my business elsewhere, thank you.

Phelps clan celebrates chopper crash

Apparently there's been a chopper crash somewhere.  How do I find out?  The Phelps clan starts celebrating.

Rebekah Phelps-Roper ‏ @WBCVideo

Thank God for crashing the chopper to get His glory on His enemies! Via @BreakingNews 4 US troops confirmed dead after ISAF helicopter crash

And to think I wanted to be a chopper pilot.

Pat Robertson says no global warming because no SUV's on Mars

I grew up near Buffalo NY and after the Saturday morning cartoons were over, would sometimes end up watching religious TV, including Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell.  Nobody got around to telling me they were heretics and complete lunatics.

Pat Robertson doesn't believe in global warming because there are no SUV's on Mars.  No, I'm not making this up.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/04/17/pat-robertson-global-warming-a-hoax-because-no-suvs-on-mars/

Alberta's Wild Rose party leader Danielle Smith is frantically back-pedalling that there's an anti-gay squad in her ranks.

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/04/15/wildrose-anti-gay-blog-alberta_n_1427008.html?ref=canada-politics

http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/Smith+stands+candidate+anti+blog/6464580/story.html

Also, found a new link for information on anti-gay passages in the bible - the so-called "clobber passages" with good information on translations.

http://hoperemains.webs.com/leviticus1822.htm

Homophobic dog whistles

Yes I own a dog - two, in fact, with possibly a third on the way if it works out. No, I don't own a dog whistle.  In my younger years I could hear dog whistles but age and too many years in rock bands has dulled my hearing and I can't pick them up any more.  That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about hidden messages in ordinary speech.  If some young lady dressed like she's in the 50's; long skirt, conservative shoes, high-necked blouse, strides up to me while I'm minding my own business and loudly demands "are you a Christian?", she's not asking whether I'm a member of one of the many Churches making up the panoply of Christendom.  She's asking whether I'm a literalist "Bible believing", "born again", Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian.  I'm not.  I'm Anglo-Catholic, a particular practice of the Anglican Church.  She would not consider me "Christian" and would likely start to proselytize and I'd call her a heretic (my priest says I should have been a Jesuit and I've actually taken part in an Inquisition) and it would go downhill from there.

A number of years ago I was sitting in the staff break room and a colleague gestured towards my ankles.  I gave him a blank look.  He gestured a little more firmly.  Bear in mind that I'm considered to be somewhere on the autistic spectrum so I don't necessarily get some of the subtleties of non-verbal speech, so I just said "wha?"  "Don't cross your legs like that."  "Why not? It's comfortable."  I suffer from bursitis and my joints have their good days and bad days, mostly bad.  I've got a bad hip that gives out at the worst possible moment making me scream in pain and fall, my ankles crack and hurt like hell and I've got enlarged joints in my toes and hands either from cracking them, or because they were already swollen and cracking them makes it feel better, at least temporarily.  I'm a piano player so that probably doesn't help any, especially how I pound the keys.  Hence, only certain seating positions are comfortable and leaning back with my ankles crossed low down is one of them.  Another one is half-cross-legged with my left ankle up high.  I can't do the right or I'll start screaming.  "Don't do that either."  "Why not?"  "It looks faggy."  At that point we didn't have a sexual harassment policy in place so I blew it off and ignored him.  When I came out a few years later he wandered around for days looking lost and confused.  He knew me as a "good person" and now this.  He got over it.

Remember how my hands hurt most of the time?  What's with people and their damn "firm handshakes".  I've had people do it to me to the point where I've fallen to the floor crying and haven't been able to type or play keyboards for the rest of the day.  One guy did it to me and I damned near fainted on him. He caught me on the way down then apologized profusely.  When I asked "WTF??" he said "weak handshakes are faggy - businessmen have firm grips".

Then there's the whole "light in the loafers" thing.  In the back of the office we have a metal staircase.  The "real men" stomp their way up it, clanging deafeningly, disrupting the entire office.  You can't hear someone on the phone.  I weigh 183 pounds, but I've always have been a light walker.  If I "stride manfully" it shocks my ankles which then hurt like hell and swell up and I'm in agony for the rest of the day.  Hence, I sort of tiptoe around at the best of times but especially on the stairs.  I don't make much noise walking and I'm constantly scaring people who aren't paying attention (dude, get a hearing aid and learn what peripheral vision is all about) but if I hear mutterings about "light in the loafers" they're really calling me a fag.  That's a dog whistle.

Now Santorum has entered the fray. Santorum tells young man not to use pink bowling ball on camera .  That's right.  A pink bowling ball. 

I like bowling.  Up here in Canada we have 5-pin bowling which is a lot more challenging that 10-pin.  You have to know what you're doing to knock down any pins, never mind all of them.  I also like it because it's easy on my hands - the balls are lighter.  Nevertheless, I like 10-pin for a bit of a change and when I go to the alley, they've got a selection of  balls in the carousel and I usually pick the "ladies" pink one because it's a bit lighter and the holes are a bit closer together.  I've got big hands, but it's still a bit of a stretch to fit a "manly" ball without straining my knuckles.  It doesn't have quite the power of a heavier ball but I'm more accurate with it and I can hit the strike zone easily and do a strike or pick up the spare and get a fairly good score and by the end of the evening I'm not in too much pain.  Santorum is calling me a fag. 

OK, fly me down there and let's go at it "man to man".  I'll use my faggy pink ball and Santorum can use whatever he wants (likely the heaviest ball the carousel).  I'm betting I'll beat the pants of him (not that I'm sure I want to see him without his pants).

Are we on?

Parodying the Religious Right

I was just over at the Confession of a Former Conservative blog reading some old entries and stumbled on his parody of an RRR complaining about the Dr. Who television show.  I remember this parody when it first came out and I was fooled.  The problem is, you cannot easily tell when a parody of an authoritarian is a parody.  They can be so over the top that reality is stranger than fiction.  Check out the following.

madonnas new age end-time-satanism

Years ago when I was teaching, to lighten things up, I tried a ridiculous over-the-top parody of the authoritarian teacher like in the scene from the move Pink Floyd - The Wall.  The problem was, nobody got it.  They thought I was serious.

I've been on other sites like Rapture Ready and read stuff that makes my head spin and figure "this has GOT to be a parody", but I check back of few weeks later and the discussion is still there in all seriousness and the poster is still in good standing and at it again.

Church Tells HIV Patients To Stop Treatment

http://news.sky.com/home/uk-news/article/16117269

The Synagogue Church of All Nations (SCOAN)  has been telling people that they can cure HIV/AIDS and encouraging people to go off their medication.

Their proof?  None.  If you ask them for proof, they will accuse you of attacking their faith.