Friday, 30 March 2012

Homophobic dog whistles

Yes I own a dog - two, in fact, with possibly a third on the way if it works out. No, I don't own a dog whistle.  In my younger years I could hear dog whistles but age and too many years in rock bands has dulled my hearing and I can't pick them up any more.  That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about hidden messages in ordinary speech.  If some young lady dressed like she's in the 50's; long skirt, conservative shoes, high-necked blouse, strides up to me while I'm minding my own business and loudly demands "are you a Christian?", she's not asking whether I'm a member of one of the many Churches making up the panoply of Christendom.  She's asking whether I'm a literalist "Bible believing", "born again", Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian.  I'm not.  I'm Anglo-Catholic, a particular practice of the Anglican Church.  She would not consider me "Christian" and would likely start to proselytize and I'd call her a heretic (my priest says I should have been a Jesuit and I've actually taken part in an Inquisition) and it would go downhill from there.

A number of years ago I was sitting in the staff break room and a colleague gestured towards my ankles.  I gave him a blank look.  He gestured a little more firmly.  Bear in mind that I'm considered to be somewhere on the autistic spectrum so I don't necessarily get some of the subtleties of non-verbal speech, so I just said "wha?"  "Don't cross your legs like that."  "Why not? It's comfortable."  I suffer from bursitis and my joints have their good days and bad days, mostly bad.  I've got a bad hip that gives out at the worst possible moment making me scream in pain and fall, my ankles crack and hurt like hell and I've got enlarged joints in my toes and hands either from cracking them, or because they were already swollen and cracking them makes it feel better, at least temporarily.  I'm a piano player so that probably doesn't help any, especially how I pound the keys.  Hence, only certain seating positions are comfortable and leaning back with my ankles crossed low down is one of them.  Another one is half-cross-legged with my left ankle up high.  I can't do the right or I'll start screaming.  "Don't do that either."  "Why not?"  "It looks faggy."  At that point we didn't have a sexual harassment policy in place so I blew it off and ignored him.  When I came out a few years later he wandered around for days looking lost and confused.  He knew me as a "good person" and now this.  He got over it.

Remember how my hands hurt most of the time?  What's with people and their damn "firm handshakes".  I've had people do it to me to the point where I've fallen to the floor crying and haven't been able to type or play keyboards for the rest of the day.  One guy did it to me and I damned near fainted on him. He caught me on the way down then apologized profusely.  When I asked "WTF??" he said "weak handshakes are faggy - businessmen have firm grips".

Then there's the whole "light in the loafers" thing.  In the back of the office we have a metal staircase.  The "real men" stomp their way up it, clanging deafeningly, disrupting the entire office.  You can't hear someone on the phone.  I weigh 183 pounds, but I've always have been a light walker.  If I "stride manfully" it shocks my ankles which then hurt like hell and swell up and I'm in agony for the rest of the day.  Hence, I sort of tiptoe around at the best of times but especially on the stairs.  I don't make much noise walking and I'm constantly scaring people who aren't paying attention (dude, get a hearing aid and learn what peripheral vision is all about) but if I hear mutterings about "light in the loafers" they're really calling me a fag.  That's a dog whistle.

Now Santorum has entered the fray. Santorum tells young man not to use pink bowling ball on camera .  That's right.  A pink bowling ball. 

I like bowling.  Up here in Canada we have 5-pin bowling which is a lot more challenging that 10-pin.  You have to know what you're doing to knock down any pins, never mind all of them.  I also like it because it's easy on my hands - the balls are lighter.  Nevertheless, I like 10-pin for a bit of a change and when I go to the alley, they've got a selection of  balls in the carousel and I usually pick the "ladies" pink one because it's a bit lighter and the holes are a bit closer together.  I've got big hands, but it's still a bit of a stretch to fit a "manly" ball without straining my knuckles.  It doesn't have quite the power of a heavier ball but I'm more accurate with it and I can hit the strike zone easily and do a strike or pick up the spare and get a fairly good score and by the end of the evening I'm not in too much pain.  Santorum is calling me a fag. 

OK, fly me down there and let's go at it "man to man".  I'll use my faggy pink ball and Santorum can use whatever he wants (likely the heaviest ball the carousel).  I'm betting I'll beat the pants of him (not that I'm sure I want to see him without his pants).

Are we on?

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Parodying the Religious Right

I was just over at the Confession of a Former Conservative blog reading some old entries and stumbled on his parody of an RRR complaining about the Dr. Who television show.  I remember this parody when it first came out and I was fooled.  The problem is, you cannot easily tell when a parody of an authoritarian is a parody.  They can be so over the top that reality is stranger than fiction.  Check out the following.

madonnas new age end-time-satanism

Years ago when I was teaching, to lighten things up, I tried a ridiculous over-the-top parody of the authoritarian teacher like in the scene from the move Pink Floyd - The Wall.  The problem was, nobody got it.  They thought I was serious.

I've been on other sites like Rapture Ready and read stuff that makes my head spin and figure "this has GOT to be a parody", but I check back of few weeks later and the discussion is still there in all seriousness and the poster is still in good standing and at it again.

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Church Tells HIV Patients To Stop Treatment

The Synagogue Church of All Nations (SCOAN)  has been telling people that they can cure HIV/AIDS and encouraging people to go off their medication.

Their proof?  None.  If you ask them for proof, they will accuse you of attacking their faith.

Monday, 12 March 2012

Me again

My apologies for not updating in so long.  I've been busy with music, I've been busy with work, I've been trying to stay ahead of the housework 'cause my wife's been sick and can't even bend over properly, nevermind do anything resembling housework.  Primarily, though, it's just a real pain in the ass getting signed in here and once I do, I've forgotten what I wanted to post.

I am, of course, watching the US elections with great interest, especially the Republican nomination process.  Let's see if I can make some kind of sense out of it.

The last time the Republicans went through this, it was fairly boring 'cause McCain had it in the bag but when it got to convention time the Rabid Religious Right (I'll often refer to them as the RRR from here on in) were making unsubtle threats to bolt unless their demands were met so we get Palin for VP and it all turns in to a clusterfuck.  So they decided to shuffle things around to try and frontload this a bit, so we have the current mess, which I'll get to in a moment.  The guy who cooked this up thought it might be "entertaining".  He got fired.

OK, so we've got Romney, a Mormon trying to head a Party that hates Mormons.  Then we've got Santorum, a Catholic trying to head a Party that hates Catholics.  Then there's Newt and his baggage.  Problem is he and Santorum are splitting the RRR vote and Romney's running up the middle.  There's another guy running but I can't remember his name and he doesn't have a chance.  Romney comes from big money, brags about big money (including his wife's two Cadillacs) and suddenly starts trying to become populist by saying "y'all" a lot.  Santorum's trying to turn the clock back to the 1950's (been there, done that, didn't like it).

Then Rush Limbaugh spends three days calling some grad student a "slut" who "wants to get paid for sex" and demands video, all because she wanted to tell a committee that a friend of hers couldn't get the medication she needed to prevent an exploding ovarian cyst (which damn near killed my sister).  None of the candidates have said boo, but all Limbaugh's advertisers excepted Armed Forces radio have pulled their advertising, leaving a bunch of dead air.  I talked to a CBC radio tech once who said that dead air is the last sin of broadcasting.  Better to scream obscenities or fart in the microphone.

You see, there's one thing they can't talk about - the economy.  Obama's got it in the bag.  So instead, they've decided to wage war on women.  They've forgotten something.  Women have the vote now.  Women have money now.  Women have guns.  So the next time I hear some redneck go on about the "little woman", I'm reminded of what I tell people trying to annoy my "cute little weiner dog".

Bears kill people.
Honey badgers kill bears.  For kicks.
Dachshunds kill badgers.  For real.
Are you absolutely sure you want to piss off a dachshund?